Updated: Jan 30
This morning I woke up with thoughts of gratitude, as I do every morning. This wasn't always the case. I often reflect on the season of my life when I was miserable. 2010-2016 were years full of physical and emotional pain. I'd been involved in an awful car accident driving home from a family vacation in July of 2010. When the back tire exploded it sent the vehicle hurling from the middle lane to into the cinderblocks that separated oncoming lanes of traffic and then back across three lanes, finally landing upside down in a ditch. When I finally came to, my father and daughter were calling my name thru the back window, beckoning me to get out of the car. Once pulled from the car, I looked back at the destruction. The vehicle was absolutely totaled. Travelers had stopped to see if we all were okay, stating numerous times God must have had His hands on us because there was no way we should have survived.
Although we all managed to walk away from the accident with no broken bones, my inner woman was shattered. I'd somehow felt responsible. The man I was romantically involved with at the time was the worse choice I'd ever made, and my family suffered because of it.
Weeks later when seeking relief from constant pain, I was told by doctors I had sciatica in both legs, a curved spine, and fibromyalgja. Various narcotics and other prescribed medications were given to me and, for a while, I took them all. My once well proportioned body began to swell from all of the poison fed to it. Some of the muscle relaxers side affects induced horrific dreams that would cause me to wake up shaking in fear. My spirit was broken and I knew my baby girl and father was dealing with some of the same emotions but didn't know how to voice them.
There was one night in November 2010 I played at a show with the Esquires II band and felt joy for the first time since the accident. I drove home happy only to be greeted by my intoxicated 'partner' with insults and accusations. The argument was escalating and I grew afraid. I drove to my parents house, parked the car in the driveway and wept. Disgusted with myself for poor choices, I was determined to dig myself out of the pit I created.
Luckily I had friends I could call on. One in particular, my music wife is what we called each other back then lol, answered the phone and immediately knew something was up. She gave me her address and I drove south about 30 minutes to her apartment. Her care for me allowed me to comfortably rest thru the early hours of the morning and gather my thoughts.
I made a plan that night to escape the never ending drama I'd placed myself in.
This was a truly pivotal point in my life because it led to a sequence of events that lasted for 6 years; years of identifying my own flaws, patterns and behaviors that didn't serve me at all. There were some people in my life and music related clients that greatly benefited from my lack of being true to myself. I was a people pleaser and enjoyed making people happy, sometimes, alot of times, at my own demise. As a woman in the music field I was often spoken to in a disrespectful tone, whether playing at church or in bars. No matter how hard I worked, I found myself scraping to get by while watching my male counterparts rake in cash for the same position. I finally realized that no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself.
Difficult decisions were made. I resigned from the places that were damaging my soul. People, some very close, who had negative attitudes and no regard of my feelings were dismissed. The embarrassment lingered for years as I slowly built myself up spiritually. Unity Gospel House of Prayer, a church I'd grown up fellowshiping with , was where my healing journey began. Weeks turned into months of attending without playing allowed me to receive the transformative Word I needed.
Tears would flow the moment I stepped in the building. I sat on the back pew and wept as the Word would come forth. The praise team and choir would sing and, after a while, I'd notice that the pain that consumed my body would leave. The preached Word of God by pastors and ministers literally healed my body and restored my life. Joy and happiness replaced the misery and shame. Courage to speak up for myself and my daughter brought on more strength, equipping me to live a better life, without regret. The love displayed at UGHOP nursed me back to health in a way I will never forget. Years of consistent attending the services and not being required to play organ/keys or sing eventually rebirthed a whole new being. I was able to stop relying on all the medications - I now take ibuprofen as needed which is not very often.
So many more things changed for me when I decided to bet on myself and trust that God had me. Doors that were closed have opened up for me since I made the decision to truly put Him first. As the popular Bob Marley song says, I can see clearly now (the rain is gone). Today I am able to face all of life's challenges with a confidence that everything will be alright. Learning to be present and listen to my intuition has been fulfilling in a way I cannot describe.
This joy that I have, the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away. Every day my eyes open wide with great expectancy. What a turn around 😭🙌🏽🙏🏽
I share this today because I know there are alot of people who are struggling - with smiles on their faces, they are desperately seeking help from sadness, depression and despair. I invite you to take a moment and think about how great your life can be. There is help available, we must be willing to get out of our comfort zones and take action. While I am still on my healing journey, I want to offer resources that have helped me gain traction in the positive direction. They are listed below. If one tries any of these things, I am confident in guaranteeing life changing results.
Consistent pursuing of happiness and healing will result in a life perpetual bliss. It is possible and you have someone rooting for you all along the way.
The Lady Musician
*Unity Gospel House of Prayer, Pastor Lock, Milwaukee, WI
*World Outreach Christian Church, Pastors Skip and Melva Henderson, Milwaukee, WI
*Change Church, Dharius Daniels
*The truth about men, Devon Franklin
*The Last Black Unicorn, Tiffany Haddish
*Make Love Your Religion, David Nazario
*Relational Intelligence, Dharius Daniels
*Who you calling silly, Kimberly R. Lock
*Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz
Music and Other Resources
*Pastor Marlon Lock Music
*SistahBiz Global Network
*Therapy for Black Girls